I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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