I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
