"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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