rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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