Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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