I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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