Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
