You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
