I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
