i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
