So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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