My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
