No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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