nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
