I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
