I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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