he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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