That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
