You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
