I think i sorta joined a cult last night
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
mondays should just be called national damage control day
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
