somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
