I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
