i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
