the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
