I need help removing her.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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