Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
