So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
