kristin has been a bad kristin
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
