Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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