seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
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and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
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