dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize