put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Tornado booty call.. dedication
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
