So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
