I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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