drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
