i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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