I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
