i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
