i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
