I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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