The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
