Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
