i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
