the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
