You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
