Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She swung at the pinata with crutches
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
