Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
