He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
