then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
