i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
