so explain again why im purple
no
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
