I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
