grandma shit on top of the toilet
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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