She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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