I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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