Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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