Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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