No stitches, just platelets and will power
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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