My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
