yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
