God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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