I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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