dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
