I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
