I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
