People in love make me want to vomit
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
