I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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