I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Damn victory sex feels great
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
