I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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