Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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