We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
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On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
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You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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