you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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