you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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