he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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